"Week 3: Recovering a Sense of Power"
To me this chapter seems at it's core to be about dealing with deeply felt self criticism: a. shame b. internalizing the criticism of others.
The chapter starts with Anger, and urges us to see anger as a MAP. She tells us that we don't need to act out the anger, but rather let the anger show us what is important and make changes based on that.
The next section is about Synchronicity: which really boils down to the ideas of: a. faith/trust b. framing our view of positive events as the result of our good works. This is my view as a skeptic, but I still see the usefulness in this framing of connection - the idea that good things come to us as we reach out for them. A word I would bring to this is "intention". And I am inspired to try to make an evening ritual of "prayer" (which is not normal for me) or "meditating on intentions" (the same thing) in this spirit of cultivating this synchronicity.
Shame is the next section - and as I said above, I think that's the main thrust of this chapter, and where everything is pointing to. A framing Cameron offers which I find very useful, is that our art actually displays and airs out topics of shame! The other idea that current shame can re-trigger old shame from our past. And that combined with the act of healing shame through artistic acts is very cool and quite useful to me. Personally I identify an unstated but felt energy of shame and holding back from my parents - though they supported my music financially in terms of education (private lessons, camps and university) they never supported my achievements there, and never gave inspiration or pushes for me to create a career or livelihood - rather they focussed on "fallback career", and I identify a projected sense of shame and abandonment from my father. Like his own insecurities about himself projected onto me.
"By sharing our shame secrets around our art and telling them through our art, we release ourselves and others from darkness. This release is not always welcomed."
The examples of shame in this chapter are from our days as a young artist: family, mentors, peers. And from criticisms from professionals and our friends and colleagues.
I enjoyed answering the list of the Detective Work, an Exercise.
And she finishes the prose of the chapter by suggesting to us to do one nice/kind thing for ourselves each day, as well as check in with ourselves and be kind to ourselves in that self awareness time.
The tasks for this chapter are about remembering ourselves in our childhood and our impulses/truths then, looking at our habits and our friends and community who are nurturing, inspiring, good for us.
I might be short on a day or two, but i wrote everyday to move ahead. Most of it was praise, automatic writing as channelers would call it. People I've admired were mostly people older than me. I secretly admire a wrestler for learning Mandarin and a residence assistant at my college dorm for putting art out while making sandwiches somewhere. There was one day I went though a flow state when writing. I persuaded myself I was in high vibes and words that made no logical sense came through.
My inner child played yugioh duel links for at least three hours. It was numbing. At first, there were too many cards to collect and he/she did nothing but stare for a long time when picking cards that were useful versus visually pleasing to possess.
Synchronicity; i saw a woodpecker and looked at its spiritual meaning. Protection and communication resonated. My father spelled 'construtive' and I wrote the Chinese character for planet Earth wrong.
Issues; at times I would distract myself from finishing three pages. I took them along until they were finished, even if it meant like it looked like I was dozing off. Someone thought I played Ddu-du Ddu-du by Blackpink and BTS on the concertina. Pop music doesn't match reed instruments at all, and I don't listen nor play pop music from Asia. I don't remember what I wrote on my morning pages out in public.